How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others


We compare ourselves to others all the time. They are more accomplished, more attractive, more disciplined, more passionate, smarter, stronger, more athletic, and wealthier than me.

While comparisons may be good to help motivate us, often it leaves us feeling like we’re not measuring up and it makes us feel worse about ourselves thinking we can’t live up to all the people around us.

It’s hard not to look up to the people in our lives. Comparisons do not lift us up and inspire us.  If you continue to rate yourself against others, you’ll never be happy. Comparing yourself to others is not a race you will ever win.

The next time you start comparing yourself to the accomplishments of others, here’s how to give yourself a confidence boost:

List Your Accomplishments

Perhaps your friend completed an Ironman, but what about you? What have you done for yourself? What have you accomplished?

When you’re feeling down because you’re comparing yourself to others, stop and write down your achievements.  They can be big or small, but it should be all the things you’re proud of yourself for doing this week, this year or even just today. When you put them down on paper, you make them real and you can’t take it back.

Then take a moment and look at how long the list is pat yourself on the back for a job well done!

Set Goals

Perhaps there are things missing from your accomplishment list? If that’s the case and the reason you are comparing yourself to others – they did xyz, and I want to do xyz– then it’s time to set some goals for yourself.

Take notice of what you admire in the person you are comparing yourself to and then think about how you can accomplish that goal and what you have to do to make it happen. However, make sure you realize that this goal will take time – you won’t get there in a day. It will take time and hard work, but if you admire this other person for accomplishing this, think of how much you’ll admire yourself if you too accomplish this goal.

Avoid your triggers

A new study by the Happiness Research Institute [The Facebook Experiment] has found that people who are on Facebook are 39% more likely to feel less happy than their friends who avoid that social media platform.  The reason is simple – we all have a tendency to focus more on what other people have or do than what we actually need or can do. Your social media feeds are probably filled with content from athletes, celebrities and even family and friends.  It makes it all too easy to compare ourselves to others, lose motivation, get side-tracked and feel sorry for ourselves.  So if this is a trigger for you, take a break from social media. Talk to the people around you and let them help you get motivated and be productive.

Focus on your own development

When you compare yourself to others, you sometimes forget to realize how far you’ve already come.  Look back and think about what you have already accomplished.  Are you faster/stronger than you were before? Are you getting closer to your goals? Sometimes giving yourself a little love goes a long way.

Admit your envy

If you don’t own up to your emotions, your emotions will own you. So acknowledge that you admire someone for what they’ve accomplished.  Most likely they will reciprocate by telling you how they achieved their success. If not, ask questions. Don’t be afraid  to pick their brain about the things that make them look so awesome in your eyes.  Maybe you’ll be surprised at their answer and how long it took them to get to where they are, or what they had to do to get there.

It’s normal to compare yourself to others, but it shouldn’t make you feel less of yourself.  You have the power, the tools and the motivation to accomplish everything you want to accomplish. Instead of feeling bad about what you haven’t accomplished, take these steps to realize the hidden potential you didn’t know you had and celebrate everything you have already accomplished.  Perhaps someone is comparing themselves to you and all the goals you’ve already achieved.

If you don’t feel you can accomplish these goals and tasks on your own, contact me today.  I can help you turn those insecurities into healthy, proactive actions.

Train Right, Tri Right!

Coach MJ


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